It's every girl's dream to be wooed. To have someone head-over-sneakers for them, writing them love letters, singing outside their windows. We see the happy endings on t.v., the picture perfect couples, and we can't help but be a little jealous. The heart longs for companionship; for love. You know, the whole cliche package. When we don't have that we wonder what we did wrong. Why can't we find anyone to love us? We stay up all night to find the perfect outfit, make-up, hair-do, anything. It we are left with nothing. At least we think we have nothing.
Lately I have been feeling that way, I'm not going to lie. I mean a lot of people go through this. But this week it has been different. I could literally feel the emotional attacks of the devil in this area of my life. Why am I not loved; why can't I see love in others around me? Is it even real or just simply un-obtainable. Then tonight I felt an urge to just listen to some good Jesus music. Out of nowhere (okay not nowhere, pandora chose it) this song Beloved by Tenth Avenue North came on. I felt God whisper in my ear: "You pray for love, well here it is." I cried, a lot. I mean God is taking the time to woo me. I mean holy crap, God is friggin' wooing me! Honestly, I don't think I have ever felt so loved in my whole life. God is a hopeless romantic I must say.
He is such the perfect model for love. He is showing me that; revealing to me what it is and what it should look like. I don't need people in my life to show me how to love, I have Him. And I know in His timing He will give me the opportunity to share what I have learned with someone else. But for now I am perfectly satisfied.
After reaching this realization today, I realized something else. The times I feel the most unloved are the times I'm listening to music thats not for God. Now I don't hate secular music, that is not at all what I'm saying. It's just, for me, God communicates most often through music. When I take that away, I am more susceptible to the attacks of the enemy in this part of my life. So I have decided to take a month fast of secular music. It's going to be hard, but so worth it. I will get to spend more time with my beloved.
But how about you? Have you spent time with your beloved today?
"You can give without loving. But you cannot love without giving." -- Amy Carmichael, missionary to India
I would say the hardest thing in my Christian walk and relationship is fear. Not just fear of something, but the fear of failing at something. I stop myself from doing God's will in my mind, I never act on what He wants.
But fear can be so much more than an inhibitor. Fear is such a strong emotion, I don't think I would be exaggerating if I said the strongest emotional motivator underneath love.
I feel God calling, begging me to use my great fear to become greatly dependent. Dependent on him. In our weakness He is able to build us up to be a testimony. How? When things are impossible for us, God reminds us that He can do the impossible. Fear opens up this opportunity. I mean look at Moses, he was a: sinner, murderer, and had a fear of public speaking. Despite all of these things God still used him. Now he is one of the largest influences in Christianity and Judaism.
If I ever want to do great things for Him I need to step-up and stand-out. God help me realize I can't do this on my own and act on that realization. Help me trust that if I fail you will raise me up to greatness.
Psalms 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear?
"It is possible for the most obscure person in a church, with a heart right toward God, to exercise as much power for the evangelization of the world, as it is for those who stand in the most prominent positions." -- John R. Mott
4 There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. 5 There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. 6 There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.
7 Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. 8 To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, 10 to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues,and to still another the interpretation of tongues. 11 All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.
I just remembered these verses as I was prepping to write this. I think they are exactly what I and we need right now. I have been praying for a pouring out of spiritual gifts on our youth and myself. And, as my last blog suggested, the faith to use them. My prayer has been answered, in many ways. God has renewed a vision in my mind. I've seen this vision before, on two other occasions to be specific. It was of hands being raised and something resembling a bird or something flying (I can't truly describe it) coming out of people towards heaven. I have asked for discernment and I think it means that God is calling our spirits back to Him. That this year we are going to have a home-sickness for where we belong and it's not going to be able to be contained! We are a generation of world-changers, I can name ten billion from our youth and am so excited to see more rise up to Gods calling. Holy Spirit have your way with us, never let us give you boundaries. Overwhelm us with your calling!
The next thing I want to talk about is something that goes hand in hand with visions for me. Expendability. So what the heck is expendability? Well let's check the dictionary...
expendable |ikˈspendəbəl|
adjective
(of an object) designed to be used only once and then destroyed
• of little significance when compared to an overall purpose, and therefore able to be destroyed
Whoa, pretty intense right? In my devotional a quote from Nate Saint said:
During the last war we were taught that, in order to obtain our objective, we had to be willing to be expendable. . . . We know that there is only one answer when our country demands that we share in the price of freedom—yet when the Lord Jesus asks us to pay the price for world evangelization, we often answer without a word. We cannot go. We say it costs too much. . . . Missionaries constantly face expendability.
NATE SAINT, A MISSIONARY MARTYRED IN THE
ECUADORIAN JUNGLE IN 1956
This spoke to me with intensity. Are we willing to give it all for God and for others to reach eternity? It brought me back to Winter Retreat this year. God has laid upon my heart missions. Am I willing to die for this? Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!!! In fact, that night I gave God person to do so. To make me a martyr if that would reach more people than me living. I am willing to die a thousand times to save one person from going to hell. I understand that is a dangerous thing to say, but it keeps me accountable. It shows me where my heart should be when ministering to others. I challenge you to challenge me and yourself; I challenge you to be a better missionary, a better friend, a better leader, and a better child of Christ. Be expendable, the cost has never mattered less than now. What matters is souls and eternity.
P.S. I also encourage you to listen to this. The first time I listened to it I cried and still do. Invite the Holy Spirit in, let Him change your wants to His.
"He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose" -- Jim Elliot, missionary martyr who lost his life in the late 1950's trying to reach the Auca Indians of Ecuador
Tonight I'm writing about two things God is teaching me about. The "F" words: Forgiveness and Faith.
To forgive others;it clears you spiritual. Letting go of hurt and pain is such a relief. God has really shown me that through Joseph. Twice last week this story was shared with me. It really challenged me. I mean if Joseph can forgive his brothers for practically attempted murder, then I can forgive some people that have given me emotional scars! Once I reach forgiveness I'm giving God the ok to come and heal me.
Faith. I want to have faith. I want to have faith. I want to have faith. I want to have faith. I want to have faith. No matter how many times I say this to myself I'm not going to have faith! The whole concept of faith is belief in the unseen; stepping out when I can't see the ground beneath my feet. NO LONGER! I am no longer going to let God and others pass me by. I am going to be a woman of faith! 2011 may be the year of salvations for youth, but 2011 is my year of faith. I'm going to move mountains one day. Maybe metaphorically, maybe literally. It's all in God's timing. I'm so excited for this year, I can already feel God's progress within me, tearing down my walls of doubt and fear.
I don't want faith. I have it.
(This video is for Leah. It may be cliche, but I'm cool with it )
"God uses men who are weak and feeble enough to lean on him." -- Hudson Taylor, missionary to China
Last night I was researching the different people groups in China. I was thinking maybe I could get an idea of where I want to go, where specifically I want to reach. I found this website and it shows the people group, percentage of that group reached, population, and religion. Of the 516 people groups only 93 have 5% of people professing to be Christians. ONLY 93 people groups and only about five percent of them have been reached. God it breaks my heart that there are MILLIONS living without you, MILLIONS that are going to hell for ETERNITY. Let's say that again, ETERNITY!!!!! It's so hard for me to wrap my head around it. There is no second chances for forever. I mean forever. I can't stand the thought of that happening if I can make a difference. I want it to be a party in heaven and on judgement day I don't want to have to answer to God for those I could have reached but didn't.
So why red means go as a title? On the site all of the unreached people groups were labeled in red. So contrary to popular belief, red means go! Go fight the spiritual warfare, go fight for the people of God, go fight for souls! We can be world-changers. Change two, change a thousand. Never under estimate the power just two souls can make.
Lately I've changed up my devotionals. While unpacking I found my old one Extreme Devotion from Voice of the Martyrs. I started reading and wow has it impacted me. I was wondering why it never had this much of an effect on me, then I realized I only read the stories, I didn't read the application or the biblical knowledge it held. What a shallow, a-typical pk Christian I used to be and sometimes that old personality rears its ugly head (hey, I'm not perfect).
To share I read this story about Richard Wurmbrand. If you don't know who he is well, he was a missionary to Romania; google him if you'd like. In it the first quote is "I admire Communists". To add to the oddness of the quote Richard is a Jew who had to endure WWII and all the persecutions that came along with. So, you'd think Communism wouldn't be very high on his lists of admirations. So what did he admire? He admired the readiness of a people to defend their "Utopia". He followed with his observations of the common church and how it was hard to find people to defend their faith.
He loved it when people opposed him. Why? Because they had taken an intrest. This gave him an opportunity to challenge them to the truth. After this he was able to share his beliefs and not just bible bang them, tell them how much an idiot they are, or preach at them. But, he said, to do this we must know where they are coming from and speak intelligently. Most of all share with love. Hold on, not sure if you got that, WITH LOVE!!!
For that very reason I'm so excited I am taking worldviews. I want to be able to utilize opposition thrown at me and to be able to example the faith in terms others can relate to. Also I was extremely excited and disappointed when he was talking about communism. I was like, "Yo, where my people at?!?!" In my mind of course. Because he was talking about my people, my China (if you didn't know, China is a communist nation. Their economic stand-point is slowly changing, but their government standpoint of socialism is deep-rooted). The field is fresh for the picking. The Chinese are a dedicated people willing to die for causes close to the heart. I am disappointed it is communism. I want to give these people something to stand up for Jesus. Ince these people get ahold of the truth, there is nothing stopping their dedication.
So next time someone is harassing you, don't get defensive or slander them in their ignorance. Love them, challenge them, change them. They are a huge opportunity for ministry, don't let your own pride or ignorance get in the way of that. Be the love this generation needs. The love of Jesus.
Matthew 5:43-44 43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighborand hate your enemy.’44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
"I have but one candle of life to burn, and I would rather burn it out in a land filled with darkness than in a land flooded with light" -- John Keith Falconer
Tonight I was reading about James (the son of Zebedee) and his execution. He and a Roman officer were killed that day. The Roman guard set to kill him refused to do so. Now as an officer to disobey orders is a death wish. That guard knew his life would end, but he still did the right thing. Why? It was the influence of James and the man who sent him.
The devil is smart when it comes to this. Mentoring and relationship between two believers is so crucial for the spiritual survival of them. It not only provides positive peer pressure, accountability, and knowledge (some give, some take and vice versa). The devil sees this and makes it his target for christians. "Oh, you don't have to go to church, it's just a building. God is everywhere." Yes, God is everywhere, but remember what the early church was: the body of Christ! Fellowship and discipleship with each other helps keep us going.
I mean if we aren't together as one body, strong and faithful, how are we supposed to reach out to others, when we can't even touch the lives of other believers? So I challenge you this week. Grab your best friend at youth and start being true friends and keep each other heading towards God strong!
"Only as the church fulfills her missionary obligation does she justify her existence." -- Unknown
"God my heart longs for your joy." "Well, if your emotions would get out of the way you'd be set."
This was my conversation with Jesus today. Not going to lie, I've been struggling with hurt; strong and fresh emotional pain. I've been allowing it to have an un-noticed hold on me. God is revealing where my heart is hardening towards certain people in my life and where I've been sheltering unforgiveness. I need prayer for this. I need to truly forgive this person and even if a sword is stabbed into my already fresh wound, I need to learn to have continual forgiveness. This is an area I haven't struggled in until now. So, any feedback would be awesome.
Tonight my devotions were about living a legacy. The ministry hasn't changed much since biblical times. Christians had huge impacts on the lives of those around them. The question is am I going to join in like my predecessors? Or am I going to allow the devil to have a stronghold in my life. The answer to me is clear: Devil, your reign is up.
And the battle begins...
P.S. if you're wondering why I post random videos for many of my blogs, they are basically my theme-song for that post. As you can see I've been listening to a lot of Jesus Culture.
“God had only one Son and he made that Son a missionary.” -- David Livingston
Over the years as I the Holy Spirit moves me, I often write. I write songs, poems, sentences; just the over flow of my emotions towards God and my constantly changing situations. I feel as though I can share some with you.
God you know me
You know where I've been
and where I begin
God you know me
my deepest and personal friend
God you know me
inside and out and yet...
you love me
God you love me
mercy abounding in full
God you love me
even when I fall down
yeah, you turned me around
God you love me
and I love you for it
God you will never run from me
because God you love me
You were there with me
lying on the ground
when no one else was around
You walk beside me
You protect me form me
and who I shouldn't be
God you carry me
when I walk in the dark
and I've lost all my heart
God you love me
You make me who I am
and I will never understand
why you love me
and it's because you know me
God you know me
from the heights of my soul
and the valleys below
God you saved me
I was lost and condemned
now I know who I am
God you love me
yeah you love me
and that's why I love you
Yeah I will live for you
because I love you
By: Hannah and Jesus
No matter how generic this may seem, that's ok with me. I am in awe of God's love for me. Every human longs for that feeling of being loved. So even if everyone turns their back on me I am still loved. I'm loved by the best and I would be lost without Him.
"If God's love is for anybody anywhere, it's for everybody everywhere." – Edward Lawlor
The main topic of a lot of my Jesus encounters this week has been suffering. Sounds grim right? Wrong, my friend, wrong. Philippians 1:29 says, "For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him." In this verse it is talking about two gifts: that of belief in God and suffering for God. I want to focus on the suffering. I mean how does that make sense? How is suffering a gift? It was discussed in my worldviews class on how suffering was good for the believer. There were four main reasons: oGives us a level playing field oShows us there is something wrong with the world oProves suffering is overcome by the one who suffered for us oThe means by which God communicates
I honestly believe the concept of suffering is why our generation spits so many young Christians out into the college world and a year later is left with a faithless student. We haven't connected with God on the level of His suffering. Our generation can grasp the idea of belief in God. It's not always easy to maintain our morals, but we still believe. But from that belief do we have the overflow of passion for God that is enough for us to step out of our comfort zone and tell someone about our life-saving eternal love? Or are we too afraid of what others may think, may say, or whether or not they might reject us to share his love, to suffer? Our generation is a Jesus-suffering starved generation!
How small a suffering of mocking is compared to standing up and being beaten or killed for Christ. Yet even something as small as mocking can strengthen us. It gives us a sense of relevancy, of purpose, of knowing we are standing up for what is right and true even if there is a cost. Our generation has forgotten it can be bold, it has forgotten what truly matters! Its not your's or mine's social standing, it's going out and risking it all, even if we only see one person change.
I didn't write this to lecture people on standing up for Christ. I wrote this to remind us why suffering is a gift and why it is so necessary in our relationship with Him. We need to remind our generation that following God is hard and involves taking risks and once you do you are connected with God on such a deeper level. And it is that level that keeps us connected to him, not sucking a Sunday morning sermon dry to feed our beliefs. I haven't been suffering, or allowing my self to be put out there, nearly enough lately or ever. The question is have you?
"Someone asked, will the heathen who have never heard the Gospel be saved? It is more a question with me whether we -- who have the Gospel and fail to give it to those who have not -- can be saved." -- Charles Spurgeon
Last night Mike Flemming, our church's missionary to the Dominican Republic, was speaking about how God has supplied for his family, even in situations of poverty. He gave out of faith, even in their poverty, and got back more than they gave. This really spoke to my heart. Every time people hear I want to be in missions, they always want to know what I'm going to fallback on if it doesn't work out. Honestly, there is nothing. I'm not interested in doing anything but following God's will. Is that so dumb? To follow the plan God has for me? I know that when I am penniless, I can trust God will provide if I'm faithful.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't plan on being irresponsible with my money, squandering my passion and finances to the wind, and then expect God to provide. I just know that his perfect plan will cover my needs. I understand this means maybe I won't get the nicest clothes, nicest house, or cars; but don't you doubt that I will have all of those things and more. My God is my provider and I will follow him into my future faithfully. If that means I pick up a few trades on the way, so be it. But if God asks me for firewood, I'm not going to go and get wrapped up in all the other things I might need to start a fire. I'm going to get the firewood.
"God's work done in God's way will never lack God's supply" -- Hudson Taylor
I was watching (500) Days of Summer tonight and that was the question. The main character Tom, wanted it so badly. Though he had never experienced it, never tasted it, he only saw it in the movies. Summer, the other main character, however was so afraid of love. All she knew was the traumatic aftermath of love given-up. She had a wall built up, she never wanted something that could end like that.
So why am I telling you this? For a long time I have wondered this: How can a person long for a feeling so much, but has never experienced it. Then God metaphorically slapped me in the face (in reality He tapped me on the shoulder and cleared his throat, okay well that to was my imagination) and was like duh. I made you to be loved, by me, and for you to love me back if it's your will. He also made man and woman. Companions in this short journey we call life; to be there for each other, to love each other, to keep each other accountable. And yet again love is used, but what is love? I think the classic/corny that describes it is 1 Corinthians 13. Leave it to God to be beast at describing love (well, He did create it).
1 Corinthians 13
1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,but do not have love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
"We can give without loving, but we cannot love without giving"
Tonight at youth Pastor Gerry asked us a question: Who is Jesus to us? And this got me thinking, what roles do I see Jesus in? The following is the outcome of my thinking.
Who Jesus is to Me
1. My best friend. He is there when I'm crying over the good, the bad, and the dumb things, He is there when I need someone to talk to, He knows all my weaknesses and still loves me, and even when the way I treat Him isn't deserving of Him, He will always rush back to my side when I ask.
2. My Comforter. Yes, true this is a job of a best friend, but He is practically the definition. Wait a minute He is in the dictionary, literally! See: comforter |ˈkəmfərtər|
noun
1 a warm quilt.
2 a person or thing that provides consolation.
• ( Comforter) the Holy Spirit.
3 dated a woolen scarf
He even gives me songs. Two that I particularly love are Hold You in My Arms by Ray Lamontagne and The Man Who Can't Be Moved by The Script. He says He is singing them to me and then He holds me tight.
3. He is my creator; the artist. Very much like an artist, He came up with the idea of me; breathed me into being. He adds color to my life and gave me my talents, personality, and vision. Without my artist I have no life, no purpose. It's a funny thought for a painting to give itself meaning without the artist.
4. My Protector. If I let Him, He can always protect me. From my circumstances, the attacks of the enemy, and most of all, myself.
5. Lastly, my Savior. Here is a God willing to die for me. The weak, screw-up, me. All I need to do is love Him and believe. The thing I will never understand is that even if I was the only one He could save, He still would. And I love Him for it.
"If Jesus Christ be God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for Him." -- C.T. Studd
Hey guys,
So I was pretty jealous that everyone had a cool blog, so I said what the heck I might as well make one. It will most likely go by my train of thought, so if you get confused keep reading. Also please don't be offended by any bad grammar :)
Over Winter Retreat God really burdened my heart for the lost. It was really weird, it was like I could feel his pain and it was exasperating. The best I could describe it was desperate, longing, heartbreaking pain. I could feel it through my whole body and, just like getting hit in the nose, I couldn't help but weep. That is what snowballed my vision or mission you could say into being. I really felt like I am called into the missions field. I've had this passion ever since I was little. However, as I got older I became bitter towards the ministry because of what I thought I saw the ministry destroying: Pastor's families. As that bitterness grew deeper and deeper, the more I wanted nothing to do with my calling. Then God decided to mess me up a bit because He is oh so good at that. During the AG Fine Arts Festival and General Counsel the speaker, I can't even remember his name, was talking about how that night God was calling people to be missionaries and pastors. Towards the end of the service the Holy Spirit hit me so hard with my calling, there was no denying it. I wept and when I say I wept I don't mean a "Yay Jesus! I'm going to reach your people and you're going to use me. This is friggin' AWESOME!!!" No, I was more of a "God, what the heck of course I would be called to the ministry" My friend Sam took one look at me and knew what was happening and she laughed, she said she knew it all along. I took one look at her and laughed because I had known it too; I'm just dumb and stubborn. Overtime God also revealed to me that it wasn't His ministry that was messing up families, it was the people in the ministry that had wrong priorities.
So to continue with that I am feeling lead towards Southeast Asia, particularly China, and the 10/40 window. What's the 10/40 window? It's the geographical area of where the most unreached people groups are. I mean if Mexico has 20 million unsaved people imagine that place. I mean by no means is it spiritually dry; it has run ramped with Transcendentalism. I want to help show those people that God isn't some mystic force or someone not involved in their life. I want to show them that God is there for them, even when their government isn't, even if their families are being torn apart, and even if they are so below poverty level ants are a delicacy. I have too much to offer them and God for me to stand by and watch millions of people go to hell. I can't, I won't do it! I know I'm weak, fearful, and the wort of all doubtful of God's ability to use me. But everyday God is working in me and revealing new things. I'm excited to see what He does.
Now that we have that covered, I want to explain why I'm writing this blog. I am very easily distracted and I easily give into my want of sleep. You might be thinking, "Yeah, so? Isn't everyone?" Well I don't want to be like everyone else. This is the main reason why I feel God told me to delete my Facebook. I know, it was really hard, which is exactly why I needed to do it. I wasted all my time on it and then when 11:30 came rolling around guess who didn't spend time with Jesus, me. So because I no longer have that form of social networking a Jesus-y blog, I think, will help me keep accountable with me spending time with him and writing it down. Also you guys can keep me accountable by reading and if I don't post something for a while, you can bug me about it. I may not post everyday, but I will do my best to update this often! I am honored you just gave 5 minutes of your life to me. I feel like this is the ultimate form of power lol. Oh, and before I forget I'm going to put cool quotes about missions at the end of my blog. Here's one by Hudson Taylor; an amazing missionary to China. If you ever get the chance read his story, it is freaking awesome.
"If I had 1,000 lives, I'd give them all for China" -- Hudson Taylor
