Regrets

2 Corinthians 7: 10-11

For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.

Just see what this godly sorrow produced in you! Such earnestness, such concern to clear yourselves, such indignation, such alarm, such longing to see me, such zeal, and such a readiness to punish wrong. You showed that you have done everything necessary to make things right.

Lately guys my mind has been in an eternal battle. God and the devil are in a war over my sanity, over my conscience, over my ability to forgive. Recently, I chose to ignore God's voice and I willingly lied myself into heartbreak. I had myself so convinced that I was right, I believed my own lie. God, with his unrelenting mercy and grace, gave me another chance to make things right and I did. Ever since I have been beating myself up over this decision. I've been so used to guarding my heart, listening to God's advice and leading, and to keeping everything sacred, and I let my guard down too soon. The devil knew this and has been making my self-torment so much worse. In attempts to shake this feeling of dread, worthlessness, regret I ran to the only thing I knew could help: my Fire Bible concordance. 2 Corinthians 7:10-11 came up and it couldn't have been more of a God thing. I can see now that yes, I was stupid, but this sorrow lead me back to my God. It tore down the walls I had built between my beloved, Oh how I have longed for my beloved. It has pushed me towards this new motivation, this new boldness, and this new forgiveness of myself and others. 

Beloved, I know you tried to save my heart and I wouldn't let you. But I'm so glad, so overwhelmingly grateful that you didn't give up on me and instead pushed me to do greater things. Thank you for wiping my tears away. Thank you for holding me as I wept in sorrowful regret. I will always do everything necessary to make things right. Beloved come hold me in your arms once again and if I ever try to leave never stop fighting. For with you, my Beloved, is where my heart will always belong.

These songs have gotten me through hell and then some. Go Jesus for making Jon Foreman.

Anywhere provided it be forward.

                                                                  – David Livingstone

I Will Give You The Desires of Your Heart

Hello everyone! I had originally planned to write about something else, and I did, then it got erased by accident. I think it was a God-thing considering what I have to write about now is much better!

This weekend has been one of the hardest I have ever experienced. God closed a door in my life that I didn't want to close. I wanted so desperately to ignore His pleading in my soul and do what I wanted, but I knew I wouldn't be happy. I couldn't bear not living in His will. However, my heart was still hurting (and still is). Though through the wondering, pain, and tears God whispered in my ear, "I will give you the desires of your heart." I don't know why that popped in my head, but I am glad it did. He never ceases to give me hope. He knows what my heart longs for, better than I do, and He has a perfect adventure waiting for me. Somehow this situation will be turned into something for His glory. Until God lets me in on the big picture I will hold on to this truth: 

"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you." 

Psalms 37: 4-5

God I am trusting in you and I take delight in your company, plan, and mystery. Take this life and guide it to brighter shores, guide it to your will. I take delight in you and you take delight in me. I thank you for always protecting me from myself and I pray I will let you keep doing so. Take this life and make it yours. Amen.

 He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.

- Jim Elliot