Sunday, March 27, 2011

Call To Fasting and Prayer

Convicted of Overriding Conviction

You are a selfish jerk. 

Ouch, those words still burn in my head and heart when I think about my conviction; my conviction as a follower of Christ. For years I have let my fear of rejection, my natural instinct of preservation, become stronger than my conviction to share the love of God. I have been selfishly hoarding the only thing that has kept me alive, the one thing that has given me purpose, and that is salvation. And why? For the fear of striking out. Ugh, just typing that makes me sick to my stomach. I literally want to throw-up. I feel so ashamed, I feel like a Pharisee. Not in the typical way, but in the way of  witnessing when it is easy if that makes since. Here I am wanting to be a missionary and I'm scared of what a high schooler might say? Don't worry this isn't going to become a grill session for myself. I am just showing you what was. That is now past.

I have been praying for confidence, conviction, courage, and for the burden of God's heart and I've got it. I feel more empowered even as I write this. We can do it. We can do it. We can do it. We can do it. We can do it. We can do it. That is all I hear and say in my spirit. I am going to do something great and I am going to see people's life change. It is no longer ok to make excuses as to why I can't because the fact of the matter is I can't, but God can. That is the testimony and where God works. I am going to be used and in order to do that I must take that first step and pray God catches my feet as they fall through the floor. From now on there is no turning back and I am so thankful. Look out world here Jesus comes.

Holy Spirit come fill this heart and this place. Render us senseless in your power and in your testimony. Take captive our homes, schools, churches, nation, world, and lives. Flood the world with your spirit and drown out the darkness. Break all strongholds, lies, and fears and replace them with you. Bring us back to the days of your early church. Make us one again. Only then will we see the change this world needs. Amen.

There is no longer an I can't or I want, only I Am.

"Is not the commission of our Lord still binding upon us? Can we not do more than now we are doing?" — William Carey








Saturday, March 19, 2011

Lessons... Some Are New and Others Are Continuous

This year I believe is the Year of Faith Building. God is just continuously pouring out His wisdom on me and everyone around me it feels like. I'm so loving it. He is giving us all little, and BIG, challenges to overcome and through them come the lessons learned. God is doing something and the more time goes on I can see the evidence of His presence.

Lesson of The Paralytic and Friendship 
For anyone that has been around me since I visited CBC all I have been talking about (besides the awesomeness of the college) is how amazing Robert Madu was. 
He gave a message about Mark 2: 1-12; Jesus forgives and heals the paralyzed man. 

1 A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. 2 They gathered in such large numbers that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. 3 Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them. 4 Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. 5 When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”
 6 Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, 7“Why does this fellow talk like that? He’s blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?”
 8 Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, “Why are you thinking these things? 9 Which is easier: to say to this paralyzed man, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’? 10 But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.” So he said to the man, 11 “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.” 12 He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, “We have never seen anything like this!”

He continued from this to talk about how the thing we remember is the miracle of healing and that when we hear Him say you are forgiven that we are like well duh now heal him. When in reality Him saying that not only was life-changing for the man, but He was basically telling everyone He was God. SO remember next time Jesus says something that sounds ignorant, it isn't, it is probably the most important. 

Yes the above might be a good lesson to learn, but it isn't the one I want to focus on. The first is the true miracle of the man. The man wanted to be physically healed, but he didn't realize the main problem in his life was his sin. He was in the presence of God, yet he was full of sin.  We can go to church, stand in front, raise our hands, and worship and still be struggling with the same problem we always have. We need to be forgiven! Being surrounded by Jesus isn't enough! We need to be filled with Him!

The second is the friends of the man. The man's friends cut off a roof to see him healed. Cut off a stinking roof! Guys, we need people like this in our life. We need people who will wade through the depths to bring us back to Jesus. They keep us strong and help to bring us to Jesus when we are weak. I have had this hold true continuously in my life. My group of "Little Missionaries" has inspired me so much! They are igniting the flame within my soul again and inspire me to be there best I can be in God. 

Lesson of Availability and Faith
God uses those who make themselves available, not those who are able.


I have been struggling with this concept for a long time. I have many abilities and I tend to only use those skills instead of developing my inabilities. I like to avoid things that make me feel unable. The funny thing is God wants me to use those things; the things I am terrified to try and/or fail. He wants me to be able to preach, dance, and to evangelize. I am not good at these things and so I acted like a Jonah and ran from them, avoided them. But why? If I believe in the God who created everything, why am I afraid? He is teaching me that if I make myself available for Him to use, regardless of my ability, He will use me and give me ability. All I need is to step out in faith. So as I give up my fears to God I continue tio gain ability. Not only ability, but faith, freedom, and a purpose. 



"Here am I. Send me."
- Isaiah


Sunday, March 6, 2011

Destruction of Us Starts With Our Purpose and Love Revisited

John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. How much we under estimate what the Devil would do to destroy us. I believe he starts with our purpose and our relationship with God. By taking down one you take down the other. For me I have realized he is desperately trying to take down my purpose. I mean I am a woman of many strengths, but everything that God has called me to use for my purpose has went from extremely strong as a young girl to feeble as a teen. He has attacked my faith, my public-speaking ability, my dancing, my belief in love, my calling to be a missionary. I mean it is so funny! Ok maybe that last line caught you off guard, well good.

You see the Devil is trying to destroy my purpose. He knows God has something great in store for me and even though it does suck having something constantly trying to undermine me, I've got God so whom shall I fear. I'm just excited that I am worth the Devil's effort of destruction, that I am a threat to his goal. It makes me want to be so much stronger. So God can have an even bigger victory, so I make him proud.

So really the next step for me is building all of what the Devil has tried to take away back up again. Some of the list has been building for a long time and some has been under siege for years. Specifically love. I have blogged about this recently, but I feel burdened to share again, and the more God and I focus on it the more my soul is filled with joy. Every human being has been implanted with the need for relationship and intimacy, just like our creator. And for so long I have longed for that intimacy and no human could or wanted to fill that need. Then I realized how could I find a healthy love in someone if I wasn't depending on God's love? How would I ever be a Godly wife if I wasn't depend on His love and showing His love to others? The answer was I couldn't. Since that realization God had changed something in me and I think people could tell, at least the Devil could. How do I know? Because after that realization he has tried to take me down and let me tell you he is good, but God is way better. Lately my parent's marriage has been the weapon formed against me and the Devil has tried every way to use it to cause doubt in God's love, in love at all. Honestly, if it would had been a month ago his current tricks might have worked on me, but I have come out optimistic. Instead of bitterness to marriage, the holy creation of God, I am more excited for it than ever before. All I have to thank is God, my ultimate love. 

So I know this was a little all over the place. God has so many things on my heart right now it is hard to know where to begin. 

I just want to end with this whatever God is calling you to do, never say you are to weak and that you are not good enough. Don't believe the lie of the enemy! With God all things are possible and when He uses your weaknesses in His work, it's just more of a testimony to this. He uses the willing, not the strong.


I'm completely in love with Tenth Avenue North right now. I am now pushing their awesomeness onto you.

"I wasn't God's first choice for what I've done for China…I don't know who it was…It must have been a man…a well-educated man. I don't know what  happened. Perhaps he died. Perhaps he wasn't willing…and God looked down…and saw Gladys Aylward…And God said - "Well, she's willing." 
           - Gladys Aylward




Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Difference Between Nominal and World-Changing: Courage

"Courage is the bridge that carries us from a nominal existence on earth to inexplicable longing for a heavenly future."

As I was reading this I was yet again convicted by this. Courage; it is so important in a Christian. It's taking hold of faith and the promise of God's strength then acting on it. I need to be continuously practicing this. I need to not allow my earthly fears to overcome my purpose. It's time to be victorious.


Tonight I realized how even though I have been spending more time with God ,and He has been faithful in revealing himself, something was missing. And I remembered back to sermon planning and how I had to google things in the bible, not recall certain chapters. I was disappointed in myself thinking back to it. I want to be able to know God well enough to remember his word. I haven't been bible focused. So along with my music fast I am going to start a habit. Every two weeks I will have a chapter in the bible I meditate on. Not only that, but I want to do like a mini report on it. That way I will be sure to remember. So if every two weeks you don't see a chapter summary on here, come and harass me about it!


The chapter I am going to focus on first is Joshua 1. The specific verses I want to meditate on are as follows:I love these scriptures! I am going to be constantly praying this into existence into my life. GOD has given me the land I walk on. He has delivered it to me. I already have victory!!! He will never let me down, so fear and discouragement is un-needed. God come be my rock and solid ground. I am ready to go into all the nations and claim them for you!

COURAGECOURAGECOURAGECOURAGECOURAGECOURAGECOURAGE

This song gets me pumped for courageous soul-harvesting. :)

"The spirit of Christ is the spirit of missions. The nearer we get to Him, the more intensely missionary we become." -- Henry Martyn, missionary to India and Persia