It's an aerial shot, looming over the trees. Green grass, two solid, barely visible trees, a white hammock, God, and me. He is holding me as I sleep and we slightly sway in the wind. "Hold You In My Arms" is playing softly in the background.
That is the most real image of God I have ever experienced. The intimacy of that moment is overwhelming to me even now. The safety I feel as his strong arms enclose me and he lulls me to sleep. It is one of those moments when I realized how much God longs for me and how well he knows me. He knew that that image is the best thing in the world to me. Now I long for more I long to know more sides of him. I long to see his numerous personalities. I want to know more than what this small mind knows. He is unending and my knowledge of him is so finite, so microscopic. That is my prayer: to know more images of God. I want my mind to be a scrapbook of moments that I have discovered another facet of him.
Reveal yourself, oh God
Make yourself known
I long for your love and your anger
Your grace and your mercy
Your giving and taking away
Reveal yourself, oh God
Make yourself known
I long for you, my God
for your glory to be shown
I have but one passion: It is He, it is He alone. The world is the field and the field is the world; and henceforth that country shall be my home where I can be most used in winning souls for Christ. - Count Nicolaus Ludwig von Zinzendorf
So I was a little worried as I started this blog that the topic of God teaching me how to love was going to get a little redundant. Then I had another thought. Love is the basis of everything. It is the greatest commandment, why Jesus died for me and for you, the catalyst of all good, and the constant need of every living being on the planet. So to answer my own anxiety, yes it is redundant, but ever so relevant not only to my condition but to the human condition.
Spiritual maturity is the distance between what God wants you to do and how long it takes you to respond.
First off, God has been putting it on my heart to do a dating fast. I know what you must be thinking aren't you already on one? Well yes, I am. However that one was started out of compromise with my flesh and God. I had settled to do a fast, but not for as long as God had planned. His plan was through college. His plan is now my own. I'm just sad it took me so long to realize this compromise.
That being said God has been doing some awesome things because of this. God's promise to me was that he is going to teach me how to love like him. This couldn't be any better of a promise and I'm so excited that he is taking a little over four years to teach me. I also know this is in preparation for my future husband and best friend. I hope he will be satisfied with the results.
Just in the past couple days I feel like he has been giving me little windows into the future, little promises of what is to come and what he wants for me. He has been telling me over and over that my husband is going to become my best friend. He is going to know the real me inside and out. No changes, no substitutions. That thought has given me so much hope and appreciation for God's wisdom. He knows the perfect man for me and I can't even describe how happy I am that through me looking for love in God, God is going to put together the perfect trinity. As if God whispering this wasn't enough for me to believe him I was watching a show where the spouses were going through hard times. They were fighting and everything seemed to be falling apart, but at the end of the day they were each other's best friend. Their unconditional love for each other was more than the problems of the day. Again he whispered: "That's you sweetheart. You are going to have your best friend." Overwhelming? Completely.
And if that wasn't enough God wanted to make sure his intentions were loud and clear. Tonight he has filled me with his overflowing, all consuming sense of his presence and love. I cannot describe the vastness of it. It is feeling the atmosphere around me, my very being, even pandora. It is almost creepy how every song is about love or teaching someone about love.
God I hear you, welcome you, and am ever so in love with you.
If God’s love is for anybody anywhere, it’s for everybody everywhere. - Edward Lawlor, Nazarene General Superintenden
For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.
Just see what this godly sorrow produced in you! Such earnestness, such concern to clear yourselves, such indignation, such alarm, such longing to see me, such zeal, and such a readiness to punish wrong. You showed that you have done everything necessary to make things right.
Lately guys my mind has been in an eternal battle. God and the devil are in a war over my sanity, over my conscience, over my ability to forgive. Recently, I chose to ignore God's voice and I willingly lied myself into heartbreak. I had myself so convinced that I was right, I believed my own lie. God, with his unrelenting mercy and grace, gave me another chance to make things right and I did. Ever since I have been beating myself up over this decision. I've been so used to guarding my heart, listening to God's advice and leading, and to keeping everything sacred, and I let my guard down too soon. The devil knew this and has been making my self-torment so much worse. In attempts to shake this feeling of dread, worthlessness, regret I ran to the only thing I knew could help: my Fire Bible concordance. 2 Corinthians 7:10-11 came up and it couldn't have been more of a God thing. I can see now that yes, I was stupid, but this sorrow lead me back to my God. It tore down the walls I had built between my beloved, Oh how I have longed for my beloved. It has pushed me towards this new motivation, this new boldness, and this new forgiveness of myself and others.
Beloved, I know you tried to save my heart and I wouldn't let you. But I'm so glad, so overwhelmingly grateful that you didn't give up on me and instead pushed me to do greater things. Thank you for wiping my tears away. Thank you for holding me as I wept in sorrowful regret. I will always do everything necessary to make things right. Beloved come hold me in your arms once again and if I ever try to leave never stop fighting. For with you, my Beloved, is where my heart will always belong.
These songs have gotten me through hell and then some. Go Jesus for making Jon Foreman.
Hello everyone! I had originally planned to write about something else, and I did, then it got erased by accident. I think it was a God-thing considering what I have to write about now is much better!
This weekend has been one of the hardest I have ever experienced. God closed a door in my life that I didn't want to close. I wanted so desperately to ignore His pleading in my soul and do what I wanted, but I knew I wouldn't be happy. I couldn't bear not living in His will. However, my heart was still hurting (and still is). Though through the wondering, pain, and tears God whispered in my ear, "I will give you the desires of your heart." I don't know why that popped in my head, but I am glad it did. He never ceases to give me hope. He knows what my heart longs for, better than I do, and He has a perfect adventure waiting for me. Somehow this situation will be turned into something for His glory. Until God lets me in on the big picture I will hold on to this truth:
"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you."
Psalms 37: 4-5
God I am trusting in you and I take delight in your company, plan, and mystery. Take this life and guide it to brighter shores, guide it to your will. I take delight in you and you take delight in me. I thank you for always protecting me from myself and I pray I will let you keep doing so. Take this life and make it yours. Amen.
He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.
Imagine the person you care about the most in the entire world. What would you do just to be with them? Fly halfway around the world? Sprint through traffic? Ride an elephant down I-64? Now imagine what efforts you have made to spend time with Jesus this week. Does it come close? If it does then congratulations you are a better person than I am. However, I want to change that. God has put it on the hearts of The Edge staff to fast this week. Not going to lie, but I forgot about it. Dylan and Brittni reminded me of it. Don't worry I picked up the slack! I am so excited because I know God is going to use this to get us even closer, to help us become one. Use this week to redefine your relationship with God. Have your own retreat at in your self. Refresh yourselves children of God, for He is coming to rain down on us.
Dear Lord,
I miss your voice beckoning me. I pray for your spirit on my life once more. I thank you for the time we will spend together and I thank you for the lives will be changed because of what you are going to do through myself fand I others around me.
Another huge thing that has been affecting my life now is my dating fast. It kind of came out of nowhere. I was praying upstairs because I missed youth prayer. I felt so disconnected from everything: from youth, my friends, my parents, from God. I was so numb. I longed to feel God's presence again and I was frustrated because I couldn't figure out how to move myself out of the way. Then God finally spoke. The words were a shock: "Hannah what would you do if I asked you to never get married." I looked up and bawled my eyes out for a good twenty minutes. Finally after that I said, "God you know that is probably the hardest thing you could ever ask me to do, but if this is you I will do it." Then the dating fast came up. I guess it's His way of teaching me how to put Him before anyone else in my life. I have already messed it up, but I have it back on track and I know these next six months are going to be extremely challenging for me. I need your prayer. Pray I can stay strong and that I can use this time to become the woman God created me to be. To run after him and only him. That is my heart, but my flesh cries out and pulls me in the opposite direction. I'm at a constant battle with myself and the devil is well aware. He is trying with all of his might to bring up old hurt, to create new hurt, and to hurt others around me that matter to me. I want to bind that, so will you partner with me?
I want just to be with you oh Lord. I long for you as you long for me. Lead me towards you, call out for me, light the path to you oh Lord because I need your guidance. Make me wise like you and help me hear your voice, because my soul longs to please you and I can't bear to feel your disappointment any longer. I desire to make you proud oh God. My heart breaks for you and please break it for others. Show me how to be like you. No more turning back.
. Anywhere provided it be forward. – David Livingstone
" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
God has known I would be His missionary ever since he dreamed me up in my mother's tummy. I have known for almost as long, but God always loves to remind me about it. He knows me so well, He can tell if self-doubt starts to sneak in or discouragement tries to take root. So He decided to remind me of how much he believes in me, even if I mess up sometimes. While I was in New Jersey two weeks ago our family friend, and the present youth pastor, approached me. He told me how my dad had talked to him about my plans for the future and he said he wanted to be apart of it. So he and his wife, Buffy, committed to be my first sponsors for when I go on the missions field. Wow. That just made me feel so unworthy and happy and a thousand other things. God is already providing for me before I even started preparation to go. I'm just awestruck that He believes in me and that he could make someone else believe in me too.
"Behold, I will bring it health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth"
Jeremiah 33:6
Another thing God has done to show me of His faith is heal me. For a long time I have had issues with my hips. They were crooked, causing a slight scoliosis in my back, and that caused my shoulders to be offset. Not only that, but my right hip didn't function correctly when I lifted my lef impairing my range of motion. What does all this mean? It basically means dancing, especially balance and flexibility, was very hard or painful for me. This month has been the "Month of Miracles" and again two weeks ago God told me it was time to get healed. So I walked up in faith and though I didn't feel any sensations or burning or other things people describe as feeling when they are healed I knew I was. At dance I could see and feel the difference. God is so amazing. He knows what our inner most heart wants and when we line our lives up with His will He makes a way for us.
How has God been showing you He believes in you?
"The will of God — nothing less, nothing more, nothing else." — F. E. Marsh (also attributed to Bobby Richardson)
Being on vacation has opened up my eyes to a few things. One is how amazing So You Think You Can Dance is! The dancer's emotional connection to choreography and don't get me started on the choreography! I watch every week and just how the choreographers take a storyline and portray it is amazing! I love, love, LOVE it. It got me thinking about things I want to choreograph, things I want to write and sing. What will it be about? How will I take all of my experiences and portray it so that people can feel my heart and from that feeling change. Will people be able to see the God in it?
Over this summer God has shown me how many dreams I have left behind; how many of the dreams and gifts He placed that I had left behind. So after realizing all of this and asking all of the previous questions I asked God to breathe life back into my creative side. And well, He did. I was probably up for at least an hour just writing a song God put on my heart and I probably would have kept going, but I was tired. My creativity still needs to have more direction, but with practice and God's guidance it will.
In light of this discovery I ask the question what dreams have you left behind that you should be running to pick up again? What urge that God has put on your heart have you denied? Some advice: If you want to be happy, if you want to have more gifts go get the ones God gave you!
"Is not the commission of our Lord still binding upon us? Can we not do more than now we are doing?" — William Carey
Running the race of a Christian life isn't easy. Between juggling youth, dance, school, college, finals the reason I'm running at all, Jesus, got lost. I began to slow down and I had to watch in disappointment as others ran ahead of me while I knew I belonged up with them. But God, being so merciful and compassionate, overlooked my stupidity of overlooking Him and came down to remind me of a promise. That promise is now forever engraved in my heart and it's on my mirror. It's Isaiah 40:31. It says "For those who hope in the Lord will be renewed in strength. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not grow faint." That promise has gotten me through this past week and half. God came in and reminded me that I don't have to attack everything at full speed; sometimes I just need to walk and let Him rejuvenate.
This is for those who are tired of being tired, tired of being defeated, tired by being hopeless, tired of being captive. Put your hope in the Lord and He will give you the strength to carry on. He did for me.
"And people who do not know the Lord ask why in the world we waste our lives as missionaries. They forget that they too are expending their lives…and when the bubble has burst they will have nothing of eternal significance to show for the years they have wasted."
- Nate Saint
In life the anxiety of failing prohibits us from from trying what we love, living life, and making an impact. I learned a lesson today that I'm sure I will continue to learn over and over again: When you put it all out there, hold nothing back (despite your inadequacy), and let God do the rest there is peace. I always tell people to try new things and to meet God halfway; He will make up for your lack if you step out in faith despite your discomfort. Honestly, I knew it to be true, I just lied to myself into thinking I was the exception. But today God really came through for me. I had a CATS audition today. I wasn't the best, prettiest, or most talented there, but I was my best, confident, and best of all NOT NERVOUS. I had overwhelming anxiety the week leading up to it, but I decided to put it into God's hands. Once I did, I still had jitters, then I walked into the building. When I did this wave of calm and peace came over me from out of nowhere. I may not get chosen to be a part of the cast, but I tried! God has overcome and I couldn't be happier. So though this is short be encouraged that God can take the anxious reck and turn them into something meaningful. :)
"Christ wants not nibblers of the possible, but grabbers of the impossible." — C.T. Studd
Feeling inadequate in the situations of life; we have all been there. The feelings of failure, rejection, anxiety, and disappointment flood our hearts and all we can think is, "How in the world is God going to use me? I'm ________."
Right now I have been under fire from the devil and, quite honestly, myself about all my inadequacy filling my life. It whispers, "You can't do that ha and you want to be a missionary?" or "You want to dance? I don't think so. Look at you turn out, your hips, your ability. And don't get me started on Leadership ability. You call yourself a leader, yet you can't get steady followers. Your ability is nothing, you are nothing."
Even though those thoughts are scary, I think the scariest is what if I am just not good enough. I could come up with a million excuses for why I am not able to do something. What if I put everything on the line and still was not adequate? The more I think about this the more I realize I need God to take this life over. When they say more of you, God, and less of me I know why. God can do anything, be anything, and make me into something usable. I may not be the best dancer, the best leader, the best evangelizer, but I know God has chosen me to do something great. Through all of my inadequacy, God's strength is revealed. All I have to do is believe in that and step out in faith that when I begin to fall, He will be there underneath of me lifting me up.
"He must increase, but I must decrease."
John the Baptist
Songs always have a way of capturing the indescribable.
Ouch, those words still burn in my head and heart when I think about my conviction; my conviction as a follower of Christ. For years I have let my fear of rejection, my natural instinct of preservation, become stronger than my conviction to share the love of God. I have been selfishly hoarding the only thing that has kept me alive, the one thing that has given me purpose, and that is salvation. And why? For the fear of striking out. Ugh, just typing that makes me sick to my stomach. I literally want to throw-up. I feel so ashamed, I feel like a Pharisee. Not in the typical way, but in the way of witnessing when it is easy if that makes since. Here I am wanting to be a missionary and I'm scared of what a high schooler might say? Don't worry this isn't going to become a grill session for myself. I am just showing you what was. That is now past.
I have been praying for confidence, conviction, courage, and for the burden of God's heart and I've got it. I feel more empowered even as I write this. We can do it. We can do it. We can do it. We can do it. We can do it. We can do it. That is all I hear and say in my spirit. I am going to do something great and I am going to see people's life change. It is no longer ok to make excuses as to why I can't because the fact of the matter is I can't, but God can. That is the testimony and where God works. I am going to be used and in order to do that I must take that first step and pray God catches my feet as they fall through the floor. From now on there is no turning back and I am so thankful. Look out world here Jesus comes.
Holy Spirit come fill this heart and this place. Render us senseless in your power and in your testimony. Take captive our homes, schools, churches, nation, world, and lives. Flood the world with your spirit and drown out the darkness. Break all strongholds, lies, and fears and replace them with you. Bring us back to the days of your early church. Make us one again. Only then will we see the change this world needs. Amen.
There is no longer an I can't or I want, only I Am.
"Is not the commission of our Lord still binding upon us? Can we not do more than now we are doing?" — William Carey
This year I believe is the Year of Faith Building. God is just continuously pouring out His wisdom on me and everyone around me it feels like. I'm so loving it. He is giving us all little, and BIG, challenges to overcome and through them come the lessons learned. God is doing something and the more time goes on I can see the evidence of His presence.
Lesson of The Paralytic and Friendship
For anyone that has been around me since I visited CBC all I have been talking about (besides the awesomeness of the college) is how amazing Robert Madu was.
He gave a message about Mark 2: 1-12; Jesus forgives and heals the paralyzed man.
1 A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. 2 They gathered in such large numbers that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. 3 Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them. 4 Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. 5 When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”
6 Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, 7“Why does this fellow talk like that? He’s blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?”
8 Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, “Why are you thinking these things?9 Which is easier: to say to this paralyzed man, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’?10 But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.” So he said to the man, 11 “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.”12 He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, “We have never seen anything like this!”
He continued from this to talk about how the thing we remember is the miracle of healing and that when we hear Him say you are forgiven that we are like well duh now heal him. When in reality Him saying that not only was life-changing for the man, but He was basically telling everyone He was God. SO remember next time Jesus says something that sounds ignorant, it isn't, it is probably the most important.
Yes the above might be a good lesson to learn, but it isn't the one I want to focus on. The first is the true miracle of the man. The man wanted to be physically healed, but he didn't realize the main problem in his life was his sin. He was in the presence of God, yet he was full of sin. We can go to church, stand in front, raise our hands, and worship and still be struggling with the same problem we always have. We need to be forgiven! Being surrounded by Jesus isn't enough! We need to be filled with Him!
The second is the friends of the man. The man's friends cut off a roof to see him healed. Cut off a stinking roof! Guys, we need people like this in our life. We need people who will wade through the depths to bring us back to Jesus. They keep us strong and help to bring us to Jesus when we are weak. I have had this hold true continuously in my life. My group of "Little Missionaries" has inspired me so much! They are igniting the flame within my soul again and inspire me to be there best I can be in God.
Lesson of Availability and Faith
God uses those who make themselves available, not those who are able.
I have been struggling with this concept for a long time. I have many abilities and I tend to only use those skills instead of developing my inabilities. I like to avoid things that make me feel unable. The funny thing is God wants me to use those things; the things I am terrified to try and/or fail. He wants me to be able to preach, dance, and to evangelize. I am not good at these things and so I acted like a Jonah and ran from them, avoided them. But why? If I believe in the God who created everything, why am I afraid? He is teaching me that if I make myself available for Him to use, regardless of my ability, He will use me and give me ability. All I need is to step out in faith. So as I give up my fears to God I continue tio gain ability. Not only ability, but faith, freedom, and a purpose.
John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
I have been thinking about this a lot lately. How much we under estimate what the Devil would do to destroy us. I believe he starts with our purpose and our relationship with God. By taking down one you take down the other. For me I have realized he is desperately trying to take down my purpose. I mean I am a woman of many strengths, but everything that God has called me to use for my purpose has went from extremely strong as a young girl to feeble as a teen. He has attacked my faith, my public-speaking ability, my dancing, my belief in love, my calling to be a missionary. I mean it is so funny! Ok maybe that last line caught you off guard, well good.
You see the Devil is trying to destroy my purpose. He knows God has something great in store for me and even though it does suck having something constantly trying to undermine me, I've got God so whom shall I fear. I'm just excited that I am worth the Devil's effort of destruction, that I am a threat to his goal. It makes me want to be so much stronger. So God can have an even bigger victory, so I make him proud.
So really the next step for me is building all of what the Devil has tried to take away back up again. Some of the list has been building for a long time and some has been under siege for years. Specifically love. I have blogged about this recently, but I feel burdened to share again, and the more God and I focus on it the more my soul is filled with joy. Every human being has been implanted with the need for relationship and intimacy, just like our creator. And for so long I have longed for that intimacy and no human could or wanted to fill that need. Then I realized how could I find a healthy love in someone if I wasn't depending on God's love? How would I ever be a Godly wife if I wasn't depend on His love and showing His love to others? The answer was I couldn't. Since that realization God had changed something in me and I think people could tell, at least the Devil could. How do I know? Because after that realization he has tried to take me down and let me tell you he is good, but God is way better. Lately my parent's marriage has been the weapon formed against me and the Devil has tried every way to use it to cause doubt in God's love, in love at all. Honestly, if it would had been a month ago his current tricks might have worked on me, but I have come out optimistic. Instead of bitterness to marriage, the holy creation of God, I am more excited for it than ever before. All I have to thank is God, my ultimate love.
So I know this was a little all over the place. God has so many things on my heart right now it is hard to know where to begin.
I just want to end with this whatever God is calling you to do, never say you are to weak and that you are not good enough. Don't believe the lie of the enemy! With God all things are possible and when He uses your weaknesses in His work, it's just more of a testimony to this. He uses the willing, not the strong.
I'm completely in love with Tenth Avenue North right now. I am now pushing their awesomeness onto you.
"I wasn't God's first choice for what I've done for China…I don't know who it was…It must have been a man…a well-educated man. I don't know what happened. Perhaps he died. Perhaps he wasn't willing…and God looked down…and saw Gladys Aylward…And God said - "Well, she's willing."
"Courage is the bridge that carries us from a nominal existence on earth to inexplicable longing for a heavenly future."
As I was reading this I was yet again convicted by this. Courage; it is so important in a Christian. It's taking hold of faith and the promise of God's strength then acting on it. I need to be continuously practicing this. I need to not allow my earthly fears to overcome my purpose. It's time to be victorious.
Tonight I realized how even though I have been spending more time with God ,and He has been faithful in revealing himself, something was missing. And I remembered back to sermon planning and how I had to google things in the bible, not recall certain chapters. I was disappointed in myself thinking back to it. I want to be able to know God well enough to remember his word. I haven't been bible focused. So along with my music fast I am going to start a habit. Every two weeks I will have a chapter in the bible I meditate on. Not only that, but I want to do like a mini report on it. That way I will be sure to remember. So if every two weeks you don't see a chapter summary on here, come and harass me about it!
The chapter I am going to focus on first is Joshua 1. The specific verses I want to meditate on are as follows:I love these scriptures! I am going to be constantly praying this into existence into my life. GOD has given me the land I walk on. He has delivered it to me. I already have victory!!! He will never let me down, so fear and discouragement is un-needed. God come be my rock and solid ground. I am ready to go into all the nations and claim them for you!
COURAGECOURAGECOURAGECOURAGECOURAGECOURAGECOURAGE
This song gets me pumped for courageous soul-harvesting. :)
"The spirit of Christ is the spirit of missions. The nearer we get to Him, the more intensely missionary we become." -- Henry Martyn, missionary to India and Persia
It's every girl's dream to be wooed. To have someone head-over-sneakers for them, writing them love letters, singing outside their windows. We see the happy endings on t.v., the picture perfect couples, and we can't help but be a little jealous. The heart longs for companionship; for love. You know, the whole cliche package. When we don't have that we wonder what we did wrong. Why can't we find anyone to love us? We stay up all night to find the perfect outfit, make-up, hair-do, anything. It we are left with nothing. At least we think we have nothing.
Lately I have been feeling that way, I'm not going to lie. I mean a lot of people go through this. But this week it has been different. I could literally feel the emotional attacks of the devil in this area of my life. Why am I not loved; why can't I see love in others around me? Is it even real or just simply un-obtainable. Then tonight I felt an urge to just listen to some good Jesus music. Out of nowhere (okay not nowhere, pandora chose it) this song Beloved by Tenth Avenue North came on. I felt God whisper in my ear: "You pray for love, well here it is." I cried, a lot. I mean God is taking the time to woo me. I mean holy crap, God is friggin' wooing me! Honestly, I don't think I have ever felt so loved in my whole life. God is a hopeless romantic I must say.
He is such the perfect model for love. He is showing me that; revealing to me what it is and what it should look like. I don't need people in my life to show me how to love, I have Him. And I know in His timing He will give me the opportunity to share what I have learned with someone else. But for now I am perfectly satisfied.
After reaching this realization today, I realized something else. The times I feel the most unloved are the times I'm listening to music thats not for God. Now I don't hate secular music, that is not at all what I'm saying. It's just, for me, God communicates most often through music. When I take that away, I am more susceptible to the attacks of the enemy in this part of my life. So I have decided to take a month fast of secular music. It's going to be hard, but so worth it. I will get to spend more time with my beloved.
But how about you? Have you spent time with your beloved today?
"You can give without loving. But you cannot love without giving." -- Amy Carmichael, missionary to India
I would say the hardest thing in my Christian walk and relationship is fear. Not just fear of something, but the fear of failing at something. I stop myself from doing God's will in my mind, I never act on what He wants.
But fear can be so much more than an inhibitor. Fear is such a strong emotion, I don't think I would be exaggerating if I said the strongest emotional motivator underneath love.
I feel God calling, begging me to use my great fear to become greatly dependent. Dependent on him. In our weakness He is able to build us up to be a testimony. How? When things are impossible for us, God reminds us that He can do the impossible. Fear opens up this opportunity. I mean look at Moses, he was a: sinner, murderer, and had a fear of public speaking. Despite all of these things God still used him. Now he is one of the largest influences in Christianity and Judaism.
If I ever want to do great things for Him I need to step-up and stand-out. God help me realize I can't do this on my own and act on that realization. Help me trust that if I fail you will raise me up to greatness.
Psalms 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear?
"It is possible for the most obscure person in a church, with a heart right toward God, to exercise as much power for the evangelization of the world, as it is for those who stand in the most prominent positions." -- John R. Mott
4 There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. 5 There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. 6 There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.
7 Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. 8 To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, 10 to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues,and to still another the interpretation of tongues. 11 All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.
I just remembered these verses as I was prepping to write this. I think they are exactly what I and we need right now. I have been praying for a pouring out of spiritual gifts on our youth and myself. And, as my last blog suggested, the faith to use them. My prayer has been answered, in many ways. God has renewed a vision in my mind. I've seen this vision before, on two other occasions to be specific. It was of hands being raised and something resembling a bird or something flying (I can't truly describe it) coming out of people towards heaven. I have asked for discernment and I think it means that God is calling our spirits back to Him. That this year we are going to have a home-sickness for where we belong and it's not going to be able to be contained! We are a generation of world-changers, I can name ten billion from our youth and am so excited to see more rise up to Gods calling. Holy Spirit have your way with us, never let us give you boundaries. Overwhelm us with your calling!
The next thing I want to talk about is something that goes hand in hand with visions for me. Expendability. So what the heck is expendability? Well let's check the dictionary...
expendable |ikˈspendəbəl|
adjective
(of an object) designed to be used only once and then destroyed
• of little significance when compared to an overall purpose, and therefore able to be destroyed
Whoa, pretty intense right? In my devotional a quote from Nate Saint said:
During the last war we were taught that, in order to obtain our objective, we had to be willing to be expendable. . . . We know that there is only one answer when our country demands that we share in the price of freedom—yet when the Lord Jesus asks us to pay the price for world evangelization, we often answer without a word. We cannot go. We say it costs too much. . . . Missionaries constantly face expendability.
NATE SAINT, A MISSIONARY MARTYRED IN THE
ECUADORIAN JUNGLE IN 1956
This spoke to me with intensity. Are we willing to give it all for God and for others to reach eternity? It brought me back to Winter Retreat this year. God has laid upon my heart missions. Am I willing to die for this? Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!!! In fact, that night I gave God person to do so. To make me a martyr if that would reach more people than me living. I am willing to die a thousand times to save one person from going to hell. I understand that is a dangerous thing to say, but it keeps me accountable. It shows me where my heart should be when ministering to others. I challenge you to challenge me and yourself; I challenge you to be a better missionary, a better friend, a better leader, and a better child of Christ. Be expendable, the cost has never mattered less than now. What matters is souls and eternity.
P.S. I also encourage you to listen to this. The first time I listened to it I cried and still do. Invite the Holy Spirit in, let Him change your wants to His.
"He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose" -- Jim Elliot, missionary martyr who lost his life in the late 1950's trying to reach the Auca Indians of Ecuador
Tonight I'm writing about two things God is teaching me about. The "F" words: Forgiveness and Faith.
To forgive others;it clears you spiritual. Letting go of hurt and pain is such a relief. God has really shown me that through Joseph. Twice last week this story was shared with me. It really challenged me. I mean if Joseph can forgive his brothers for practically attempted murder, then I can forgive some people that have given me emotional scars! Once I reach forgiveness I'm giving God the ok to come and heal me.
Faith. I want to have faith. I want to have faith. I want to have faith. I want to have faith. I want to have faith. No matter how many times I say this to myself I'm not going to have faith! The whole concept of faith is belief in the unseen; stepping out when I can't see the ground beneath my feet. NO LONGER! I am no longer going to let God and others pass me by. I am going to be a woman of faith! 2011 may be the year of salvations for youth, but 2011 is my year of faith. I'm going to move mountains one day. Maybe metaphorically, maybe literally. It's all in God's timing. I'm so excited for this year, I can already feel God's progress within me, tearing down my walls of doubt and fear.
I don't want faith. I have it.
(This video is for Leah. It may be cliche, but I'm cool with it )
"God uses men who are weak and feeble enough to lean on him." -- Hudson Taylor, missionary to China
Last night I was researching the different people groups in China. I was thinking maybe I could get an idea of where I want to go, where specifically I want to reach. I found this website and it shows the people group, percentage of that group reached, population, and religion. Of the 516 people groups only 93 have 5% of people professing to be Christians. ONLY 93 people groups and only about five percent of them have been reached. God it breaks my heart that there are MILLIONS living without you, MILLIONS that are going to hell for ETERNITY. Let's say that again, ETERNITY!!!!! It's so hard for me to wrap my head around it. There is no second chances for forever. I mean forever. I can't stand the thought of that happening if I can make a difference. I want it to be a party in heaven and on judgement day I don't want to have to answer to God for those I could have reached but didn't.
So why red means go as a title? On the site all of the unreached people groups were labeled in red. So contrary to popular belief, red means go! Go fight the spiritual warfare, go fight for the people of God, go fight for souls! We can be world-changers. Change two, change a thousand. Never under estimate the power just two souls can make.
