Being on vacation has opened up my eyes to a few things. One is how amazing So You Think You Can Dance is! The dancer's emotional connection to choreography and don't get me started on the choreography! I watch every week and just how the choreographers take a storyline and portray it is amazing! I love, love, LOVE it. It got me thinking about things I want to choreograph, things I want to write and sing. What will it be about? How will I take all of my experiences and portray it so that people can feel my heart and from that feeling change. Will people be able to see the God in it?
Over this summer God has shown me how many dreams I have left behind; how many of the dreams and gifts He placed that I had left behind. So after realizing all of this and asking all of the previous questions I asked God to breathe life back into my creative side. And well, He did. I was probably up for at least an hour just writing a song God put on my heart and I probably would have kept going, but I was tired. My creativity still needs to have more direction, but with practice and God's guidance it will.
In light of this discovery I ask the question what dreams have you left behind that you should be running to pick up again? What urge that God has put on your heart have you denied? Some advice: If you want to be happy, if you want to have more gifts go get the ones God gave you!
"Is not the commission of our Lord still binding upon us? Can we not do more than now we are doing?" — William Carey
Running the race of a Christian life isn't easy. Between juggling youth, dance, school, college, finals the reason I'm running at all, Jesus, got lost. I began to slow down and I had to watch in disappointment as others ran ahead of me while I knew I belonged up with them. But God, being so merciful and compassionate, overlooked my stupidity of overlooking Him and came down to remind me of a promise. That promise is now forever engraved in my heart and it's on my mirror. It's Isaiah 40:31. It says "For those who hope in the Lord will be renewed in strength. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not grow faint." That promise has gotten me through this past week and half. God came in and reminded me that I don't have to attack everything at full speed; sometimes I just need to walk and let Him rejuvenate.
This is for those who are tired of being tired, tired of being defeated, tired by being hopeless, tired of being captive. Put your hope in the Lord and He will give you the strength to carry on. He did for me.
"And people who do not know the Lord ask why in the world we waste our lives as missionaries. They forget that they too are expending their lives…and when the bubble has burst they will have nothing of eternal significance to show for the years they have wasted."
- Nate Saint
In life the anxiety of failing prohibits us from from trying what we love, living life, and making an impact. I learned a lesson today that I'm sure I will continue to learn over and over again: When you put it all out there, hold nothing back (despite your inadequacy), and let God do the rest there is peace. I always tell people to try new things and to meet God halfway; He will make up for your lack if you step out in faith despite your discomfort. Honestly, I knew it to be true, I just lied to myself into thinking I was the exception. But today God really came through for me. I had a CATS audition today. I wasn't the best, prettiest, or most talented there, but I was my best, confident, and best of all NOT NERVOUS. I had overwhelming anxiety the week leading up to it, but I decided to put it into God's hands. Once I did, I still had jitters, then I walked into the building. When I did this wave of calm and peace came over me from out of nowhere. I may not get chosen to be a part of the cast, but I tried! God has overcome and I couldn't be happier. So though this is short be encouraged that God can take the anxious reck and turn them into something meaningful. :)
"Christ wants not nibblers of the possible, but grabbers of the impossible." — C.T. Studd
Feeling inadequate in the situations of life; we have all been there. The feelings of failure, rejection, anxiety, and disappointment flood our hearts and all we can think is, "How in the world is God going to use me? I'm ________."
Right now I have been under fire from the devil and, quite honestly, myself about all my inadequacy filling my life. It whispers, "You can't do that ha and you want to be a missionary?" or "You want to dance? I don't think so. Look at you turn out, your hips, your ability. And don't get me started on Leadership ability. You call yourself a leader, yet you can't get steady followers. Your ability is nothing, you are nothing."
Even though those thoughts are scary, I think the scariest is what if I am just not good enough. I could come up with a million excuses for why I am not able to do something. What if I put everything on the line and still was not adequate? The more I think about this the more I realize I need God to take this life over. When they say more of you, God, and less of me I know why. God can do anything, be anything, and make me into something usable. I may not be the best dancer, the best leader, the best evangelizer, but I know God has chosen me to do something great. Through all of my inadequacy, God's strength is revealed. All I have to do is believe in that and step out in faith that when I begin to fall, He will be there underneath of me lifting me up.
"He must increase, but I must decrease."
John the Baptist
Songs always have a way of capturing the indescribable.
Ouch, those words still burn in my head and heart when I think about my conviction; my conviction as a follower of Christ. For years I have let my fear of rejection, my natural instinct of preservation, become stronger than my conviction to share the love of God. I have been selfishly hoarding the only thing that has kept me alive, the one thing that has given me purpose, and that is salvation. And why? For the fear of striking out. Ugh, just typing that makes me sick to my stomach. I literally want to throw-up. I feel so ashamed, I feel like a Pharisee. Not in the typical way, but in the way of witnessing when it is easy if that makes since. Here I am wanting to be a missionary and I'm scared of what a high schooler might say? Don't worry this isn't going to become a grill session for myself. I am just showing you what was. That is now past.
I have been praying for confidence, conviction, courage, and for the burden of God's heart and I've got it. I feel more empowered even as I write this. We can do it. We can do it. We can do it. We can do it. We can do it. We can do it. That is all I hear and say in my spirit. I am going to do something great and I am going to see people's life change. It is no longer ok to make excuses as to why I can't because the fact of the matter is I can't, but God can. That is the testimony and where God works. I am going to be used and in order to do that I must take that first step and pray God catches my feet as they fall through the floor. From now on there is no turning back and I am so thankful. Look out world here Jesus comes.
Holy Spirit come fill this heart and this place. Render us senseless in your power and in your testimony. Take captive our homes, schools, churches, nation, world, and lives. Flood the world with your spirit and drown out the darkness. Break all strongholds, lies, and fears and replace them with you. Bring us back to the days of your early church. Make us one again. Only then will we see the change this world needs. Amen.
There is no longer an I can't or I want, only I Am.
"Is not the commission of our Lord still binding upon us? Can we not do more than now we are doing?" — William Carey
This year I believe is the Year of Faith Building. God is just continuously pouring out His wisdom on me and everyone around me it feels like. I'm so loving it. He is giving us all little, and BIG, challenges to overcome and through them come the lessons learned. God is doing something and the more time goes on I can see the evidence of His presence.
Lesson of The Paralytic and Friendship
For anyone that has been around me since I visited CBC all I have been talking about (besides the awesomeness of the college) is how amazing Robert Madu was.
He gave a message about Mark 2: 1-12; Jesus forgives and heals the paralyzed man.
1 A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. 2 They gathered in such large numbers that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. 3 Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them. 4 Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. 5 When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”
6 Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, 7“Why does this fellow talk like that? He’s blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?”
8 Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, “Why are you thinking these things?9 Which is easier: to say to this paralyzed man, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’?10 But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.” So he said to the man, 11 “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.”12 He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, “We have never seen anything like this!”
He continued from this to talk about how the thing we remember is the miracle of healing and that when we hear Him say you are forgiven that we are like well duh now heal him. When in reality Him saying that not only was life-changing for the man, but He was basically telling everyone He was God. SO remember next time Jesus says something that sounds ignorant, it isn't, it is probably the most important.
Yes the above might be a good lesson to learn, but it isn't the one I want to focus on. The first is the true miracle of the man. The man wanted to be physically healed, but he didn't realize the main problem in his life was his sin. He was in the presence of God, yet he was full of sin. We can go to church, stand in front, raise our hands, and worship and still be struggling with the same problem we always have. We need to be forgiven! Being surrounded by Jesus isn't enough! We need to be filled with Him!
The second is the friends of the man. The man's friends cut off a roof to see him healed. Cut off a stinking roof! Guys, we need people like this in our life. We need people who will wade through the depths to bring us back to Jesus. They keep us strong and help to bring us to Jesus when we are weak. I have had this hold true continuously in my life. My group of "Little Missionaries" has inspired me so much! They are igniting the flame within my soul again and inspire me to be there best I can be in God.
Lesson of Availability and Faith
God uses those who make themselves available, not those who are able.
I have been struggling with this concept for a long time. I have many abilities and I tend to only use those skills instead of developing my inabilities. I like to avoid things that make me feel unable. The funny thing is God wants me to use those things; the things I am terrified to try and/or fail. He wants me to be able to preach, dance, and to evangelize. I am not good at these things and so I acted like a Jonah and ran from them, avoided them. But why? If I believe in the God who created everything, why am I afraid? He is teaching me that if I make myself available for Him to use, regardless of my ability, He will use me and give me ability. All I need is to step out in faith. So as I give up my fears to God I continue tio gain ability. Not only ability, but faith, freedom, and a purpose.
