Just To Be With You

Imagine the person you care about the most in the entire world. What would you do just to be with them? Fly halfway around the world? Sprint through traffic? Ride an elephant down I-64? Now imagine what efforts you have made to spend time with Jesus this week. Does it come close? If it does then congratulations you are a better person than I am. However, I want to change that. God has put it on the hearts of The Edge staff to fast this week. Not going to lie, but I forgot about it. Dylan and Brittni reminded me of it. Don't worry I picked up the slack! I am so excited because I know God is going to use this to get us even closer, to help us become one. Use this week to redefine your relationship with God. Have your own retreat at in your self. Refresh yourselves children of God, for He is coming to rain down on us.

Dear Lord,
I miss your voice beckoning me. I pray for your spirit on my life once more. I thank you for the time we will spend together and I thank you for  the lives will be changed because of what you are going to do through myself fand I others around me.

Another huge thing that has been affecting my life now is my dating fast. It kind of came out of nowhere. I was praying upstairs because I missed youth prayer. I felt so disconnected from everything: from youth, my friends, my parents, from God. I was so numb. I longed to feel God's presence again and I was frustrated because I couldn't figure out how to move myself out of the way. Then God finally spoke. The words were a shock: "Hannah what would you do if I asked you to never get married." I looked up and bawled my eyes out for a good twenty minutes. Finally after that I said, "God you know that is probably the hardest thing you could ever ask me to do, but if this is you I will do it." Then the dating fast came up. I guess it's His way of teaching me how to put Him before anyone else in my life. I have already messed it up, but I have it back on track and I know these next six months are going to be extremely challenging for me. I need your prayer. Pray I can stay strong and that I can use this time to become the woman God created me to be. To run after him and only him. That is my heart, but my flesh cries out and pulls me in the opposite direction. I'm at a constant battle with myself and the devil is well aware. He is trying with all of his might to bring up old hurt, to create new hurt, and to hurt others around me that matter to me. I want to bind that, so will you partner with me? 

I want just to be with you oh Lord. I long for you as you long for me. Lead me towards you, call out for me, light the path to you oh Lord because I need your guidance. Make me wise like you and help me hear your voice, because my soul longs to please you and I can't bear to feel your disappointment any longer. I desire to make you proud oh God. My heart breaks for you and please break it for others. Show me how to be like you. No more turning back.

. Anywhere provided it be forward.
– David Livingstone

Hey Just Wanted To Say I Believe In You

" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

God has known I would be His missionary ever since he dreamed me up in my mother's tummy. I have known for almost as long, but God always loves to remind me about it. He knows me so well, He can tell if self-doubt starts to sneak in or discouragement tries to take root. So He decided to remind me of how much he believes in me, even if I mess up sometimes. While I was in New Jersey two weeks ago our family friend, and the present youth pastor, approached me. He told me how my dad had talked to him about my plans for the future and he said he wanted to be apart of it. So he and his wife, Buffy, committed to be my first sponsors for when I go on the missions field. Wow. That just made me feel so unworthy and happy and a thousand other things. God is already providing for me before I even started preparation to go. I'm just awestruck that He believes in me and that he could make someone else believe in me too. 

 "Behold, I will bring it health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth"

Jeremiah 33:6

Another thing God has done to show me of His faith is heal me. For a long time I have had issues with my hips. They were crooked, causing a slight scoliosis in my back, and that caused my shoulders to be offset. Not only that, but my right hip didn't function correctly when I lifted my lef impairing my range of motion. What does all this mean? It basically means dancing, especially balance and flexibility, was very hard or painful for me. This month has been the "Month of Miracles" and again two weeks ago God told me it was time to get healed. So I walked up in faith and though I didn't feel any sensations or burning or other things people describe as feeling when they are healed I knew I was. At dance I could see and feel the difference. God is so amazing. He knows what our inner most heart wants and when we line our lives up with His will He makes a way for us. 

How has God been showing you He believes in you? 

"The will of God — nothing less, nothing more, nothing else." — F. E. Marsh (also attributed to Bobby Richardson)

Crap I Forgot About That...

    Being on vacation has opened up my eyes to a few things. One is how amazing So You Think You Can Dance is! The dancer's emotional connection to choreography and don't get me started on the choreography! I watch every week and just how the choreographers take a storyline and portray it is amazing! I love, love, LOVE it. It got me thinking about things I want to choreograph, things I want to write and sing. What will it be about? How will I take all of my experiences and portray it so that people can feel my heart and from that feeling change. Will people be able to see the God in it?

    Over this summer God has shown me how many dreams I have left behind; how many of the dreams and gifts He placed that I had left behind. So after realizing all of this and asking all of the previous questions I asked God to breathe life back into my creative side. And well, He did. I was probably up for at least an hour just writing a song God put on my heart and I probably would have kept going, but I was tired. My creativity still needs to have more direction, but with practice and God's guidance it will.

    In light of this discovery I ask the question what dreams have you left behind that you should be running to pick up again? What urge that God has put on your heart have you denied? Some advice: If you want to be happy, if you want to have more gifts go get the ones God gave you!

"Is not the commission of our Lord still binding upon us? Can we not do more than now we are doing?" — William Carey

God, You're My Endorphine

Running the race of a Christian life isn't easy. Between juggling youth, dance, school, college, finals the reason I'm running at all, Jesus, got lost. I began to slow down and I had to watch in disappointment as others ran ahead of me while I knew I belonged up with them. But God, being so merciful and compassionate, overlooked my stupidity of overlooking Him and came down to remind me of a promise. That promise is now forever engraved in my heart and it's on my mirror. It's Isaiah 40:31. It says "For those who hope in the Lord will be renewed in strength. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not grow faint." That promise has gotten me through this past week and half. God came in and reminded me that I don't have to attack everything at full speed; sometimes I just need to walk and let Him rejuvenate.

This is for those who are tired of being tired, tired of being defeated, tired by being hopeless, tired of being captive. Put your hope in the Lord and He will give you the strength to carry on. He did for me.

"And people who do not know the Lord ask why in the world we waste our lives as missionaries. They forget that they too are expending their lives…and  when the bubble has burst they will have nothing of eternal significance to show for the years they have wasted."
           - Nate Saint

A Little Faith Goes A Long Way

In life the anxiety of failing prohibits us from from trying what we love, living life, and making an impact. I learned a lesson today that I'm sure I will continue to learn over and over again: When you put it all out there, hold nothing back (despite your inadequacy), and let God do the rest there is peace. I always tell people to try new things and to meet God halfway; He will make up for your lack if you step out in faith despite your discomfort. Honestly, I knew it to be true, I just lied to myself into thinking I was the exception. But today God really came through for me. I had a CATS audition today. I wasn't the best, prettiest, or most talented there, but I was my best, confident, and best of all NOT NERVOUS. I had overwhelming anxiety the week leading up to it, but I decided to put it into God's hands. Once I did, I still had jitters, then I walked into the building. When I did this wave of calm and peace came over me from out of nowhere. I may not get chosen to be a part of the cast, but I tried! God has overcome and I couldn't be happier. So though this is short be encouraged that God can take the anxious reck and turn them into something meaningful. :)

"Christ wants not nibblers of the possible, but grabbers of the impossible." — C.T. Studd

When Your Best Isn't Good Enough

Feeling inadequate in the situations of life; we have all been there. The feelings of failure, rejection, anxiety, and disappointment flood our hearts and all we can think is, "How in the world is God going to use me? I'm ________."

 Right now I have been under fire from the devil and, quite honestly, myself about all my inadequacy filling my life. It whispers, "You can't do that ha and you want to be a missionary?" or "You want to dance? I don't think so. Look at you turn out, your hips, your ability. And don't get me started on Leadership ability. You call yourself a leader, yet you can't get steady followers. Your ability is nothing, you are nothing." 

Even though those thoughts are scary, I think the scariest is what if I am just not good enough. I could come up with a million excuses for why I am not able to do something. What if I put everything on the line and still was not adequate? The more I think about this the more I realize I need God to take this life over.  When they say more of you, God, and less of me I know why. God can do anything, be anything, and make me into something usable. I may not be the best dancer, the best leader, the best evangelizer, but I know God has chosen me to do something great. Through all of my inadequacy, God's strength is revealed. All I have to do is believe in that and step out in faith that when I begin to fall, He will be there underneath of me lifting me up.

"He must increase, but I must decrease."
John the Baptist

Songs always have a way of capturing the indescribable. 

Call To Fasting and Prayer